I grew up believing that if I was a good little Christian girl, bad things wouldn't happen to me. My faith was more like a transaction. I do this, then God must do this. It even bothers me to write it out because I remember when I found out that life didn't work that way. It rocked me. I remember thinking if I do all the right things, I will be happy and have no pain. I actually accused God that He wasn't keeping up His end of the bargain! He sweetly showed me the error of my thinking and how it was NOT Biblical. John 16:33, anyone? My sister Marie is a talented singer/songwriter. Her lyrics are deep and full of poetry. We were recently catching up over the phone and she shared with me some lyrics she is working on written for a woman who has gone through deep pain. As she read them to me, I got chills. I asked her if I could blog them because it struck me that part of the problem of pain is feeling alone. Here is the chorus: I really need to know I wonder if you'd show me The reason for this pain Is there peace in your rain! You say I'm not alone I want to believe you Help me believe you can heal This ache in my bones
Not only did I think I was exempt from pain but I also thought that I would never feel alone in my pain. Deuteronomy 31:8 or Hebrews 13:5, peeps? Yet, I have felt deeply alone in my pain and wondering where the heck God is in the midst of my sorrow! Before you think I am writing heresy, what I mean is that I kept putting on the Lord how I thought He should respond to me. I kept dictating how He should come through for me and then had the audacity to call it faith. This, my friends, is not faith. It's presumption. I found that God usually does not respond the way I think He should. Don't laugh, I know this sounds preposterous. I kept being disappointed in Him because He wasn't acting the way I was taught He should act! I'm grateful to the Lord for not letting me continue on in this way of thinking. Through His Word, I began to see that when bad things happen, I just have to look for Him and wait and trust. It's not because I am bad or have done anything wrong. When I am in pain, I may feel alone but I stand on the truth that even if I don't feel Him or see Him, God is there with me. Even if He doesn't respond the way I think He should, God is good. At times, I still accuse Him. God sweetly reminds me of the truth. I love that God is willing to walk with me through the wrestlings of life.
The Crosswalk of Life by Nigel Burmester
Have you believed any lies regarding pain? How do you respond to pain or bad things happening to you? If you want to check out my beautiful sister's website, click here.