I am in the third day of my two week vacation. I'll be honest, it's glorious. I still have moments of panic thinking I must have something to do. Nope. Just rest, Netflix and peace with lots of good food on the side. However, last night as I was going to bed, I felt a gnawing in my soul. I am resting physically. I am sleeping in and I am taking it slow in the morning. I am reading delicious books and lazily watching Netflix here and there. I am resting my body but I am hungering for soul rest. Do you ever feel like that?
Before we began this time of rest, Nigel mentioned to me that he didn't want this time of rest to be selfish or indulgent. This convicted me because I think I often have the mindset that I have worked really hard so I deserve (fill in the blank). That's indulgent. In the end, it doesn't meet my need for rest. It actually keeps me away from the Lord. It's a "I can take care of myself" attitude. I don't want that attitude this time.
For me, food and drink is pleasure. I love good food and I love lots of it. But I don't want to fill the gnawing in my soul with food and drink. This is often my default.
I can escape into books too. I don't think it's bad, it's a gift to me yet I know I can use it wrongly. When I ignore the gnawing by delving into another world, that's not okay. Speaking of, I just read the sweetest book. A Long Walk to Water by Linda Sue Park is about a Lost Boy fleeing from war torn Sudan. Read it with Kleenex.
What is real soul rest? For me, it's knowing I am loved and knowing what God wants for me during this rest time. It's letting Him take care of me. It's listening. It's waiting. It's time in His Word. It's time with Him, giggling or crying (whatever the hormones dictate!) It's being open to God's leading and hearing what He thinks of me. It's being at peace with myself. It's letting God fill me, not me filling myself.
I am going to do this today. I'm going to fight for real soul rest. It's a worthy fight and it's better than fighting with my husband or my man-cub because I am taking my crap out on them. The thing I love most is that God is waiting for me and in His great generosity, He has real soul rest for me.
How do you find real soul rest?